The Best Podcasts and Books About Polyamory
At some point, blog posts stop being enough. You want to go deeper, think things through properly, and hold your own situation up against something other people have already spent real time thinking about. That’s where books and podcasts come in. There’s plenty of poly content out there these days, but not all of it is equally good – so here’s a curated list, organized by what you actually need right now.
If you’re just starting out
Two books have rightfully become the starting point for almost every poly journey. “The Ethical Slut” by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton is essentially the foundational text of ethical non-monogamy. It dismantles the idea that jealousy and possessiveness are simply human nature, and shows how relationships beyond monogamy can be built honestly and respectfully. If you’re right at the beginning and wondering whether – and how – polyamory can even work, this is where the groundwork gets laid.
Things get more practical with “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino. The book takes its time with the concrete questions that come up in existing relationships as they open – agreements, time management, and the different shapes open relationships can take. It’s a solid second read once “The Ethical Slut” has given you the mindset and you’re ready to work out the logistics.
If you want the psychology behind it
Once you’ve been thinking about polyamory for a while, a deeper question tends to surface: why do I react so strongly in certain situations? Why does security come easily in some connections and not others? That’s exactly where “Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy” by Jessica Fern picks up. The book applies attachment theory to non-monogamous relationships, explaining why certain triggers show up and how more secure attachment patterns can develop even across multiple simultaneous relationships. If you want to understand what’s actually happening underneath jealousy or fear of loss, this is one of the most rewarding reads out there.
If you’d rather listen than read
Not everyone has the time or the appetite to work through an entire book – that’s what podcasts are for. “Multiamory,” hosted by Jase Lindgren, Emily Matlack, and Dedeker Winston, focuses on concrete communication tools and relationship skills for people living non-monogamously. If you’re after practical conversation techniques you can put to use right away, this is the one.
“Poly Weekly” by Cunning Minx is one of the longest-running podcasts on the topic, period, and it offers an enormous range of perspectives and subjects as a result. If you want to immerse yourself in the community and follow how the conversation around polyamory has evolved over the years, there’s a huge archive waiting here.
Making what you read or hear actually stick
Reading a book or listening to a podcast episode doesn’t change much if the thoughts just evaporate afterward. It helps to jot down what stuck with you: which sentence hit home? What new question is on your mind now? Roster has a Reflection section built in for exactly this – a private journal on your device where you can quickly capture thoughts like these after reading or listening, without anything syncing or being shared anywhere.
Where to actually start
If you only read one of these books, make it “The Ethical Slut” – it lays the groundwork that almost everything else builds on. If you’re more drawn to the emotional depth, “Polysecure” is the better entry point. And if you’d rather listen while commuting or working out, reaching for Multiamory or Poly Weekly is the simplest first step.
Common questions
Do I need to have read these books to “understand” polyamory? No. They’re useful tools, not a prerequisite. Many people learn polyamory mainly through their own experience and conversations with partners.
Which book is best for absolute beginners? “The Ethical Slut” is most often recommended as a first stop, since it establishes basic ways of thinking beyond monogamy.
I’d rather listen than read – where should I start? Multiamory is a good fit if you want concrete communication tools. Poly Weekly is the right choice if you want a wide range of perspectives and a large archive to explore.
What does attachment theory have to do with polyamory? A lot – our attachment patterns shape how secure or insecure we feel across multiple simultaneous relationships. “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern is the most thorough exploration of that connection.